The moment when you know...yes that moment :)

Well yeah, after 25 years (and few months) this moments finally came. By this moment i mean, this moment - when you just know. It probaly sounds stupid but yes i know. But know what? A lot of things i mean...but this one thing i was looking for last few years. When you discover yourself. Your weakness, your strenghts, when you look for meaning, when you fall few times, but still find strenght to move on. When i realized how fast life is going by. Yes years were passing by, i was looking for myself, during my studies at university, during my work all around, during parties, during travelling the world, during ups and downs with relationships, during love affairs and that kind of stuff. Then i moved to Finland, to do one year EVS project, well with no specific reason, ofc i wanted to try myself in work i thought is for me. And as i would say for Finland - in the middle of the nowhere i would be just bored mostly of time. But hey, no way. As this quote is sayin : “Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere and sometimes in the middle of nowhere you find yourself.” well here it goes for me. In the middle of the nowhere in Finland i find myself. How it comes? Well i guess it was just some point of the my growing process in life. It was breaking point, literally in the middle of the nowhere. As my work here with youngsters we went to few days camp near to some national park in Finland. Civilization was far away. Even thou we took youngsters phones and other devices, i was having my own battle without wifi and so. But yes, we spend amazing days with youngsters. I noticed how they are changing, how they are growing, how full of life they are. This are angry kids with sad stories, but i find soo much potential in every single one of them. We disscuss that, we talked, work together and laugh. We all look into ourselves. And we all learned from each other. I get the point of work with kids and youngsters. I noticed my strenght and weakness. I connected with two amazing youth workers, i can always cooperate and learn from. Sometimes is hard to explain feelings, we have deep down. My feelings now are on the one hand soo complicated, but on the other soo simple. I know how and where i want to spend the rest of my life. And i think i find perfect job for me. I know things is going to get hard as fuck, cause of other issues (finnish language for example, all youngsters around the world i want to work with etc...) but when i look in life, how fast the seasons are changing, how fast the kids are growing, how fast the dark gets into daylight, how little things make me happy. When i noticed, how shor actually life is, things and people i love, then decision is not that hard. I will fight for things that make me happy. I finally find the work that doesnt feel like work at all. Its style of life and the way. I just finished working on application for youth exchange in octuber, that was mine idea, even thou i dont have experience, but i had motivation. With so much encouraging and positive feedback, that im just smiling.
And now im saying goodbye, and not for long, cause some part of my life will always be writting -
with sparkle in my eyes,
muri

p.s this is are the consequences of camp with youngsters :D (better dont ask)

“Of all the questions I have asked my readers this is the most important: What would you do if you weren't afraid? When you finally give wings to that answer then you have found your life's purpose.”
― Shannon L. Alder

“There is always something to lose. But maybe more to gain.”

I just cam home from my workshops with "problematic" youngster i occasionally work with. We end up talking about homeless people. Even thou the purpose of workshop was different. When i was leaving the school, they asked : "when are u coming again?" first few times when i started to work with them, were hard. I was kinda giving up, they didnt listen anything, they just didnt care about anything. They didnt even want to meet me, to know my name and basic shit. It was like, well being here is pointless. And i was thinking what can i do? The easy way would be to say to my boss i wont work with them anymore. (its nature of my work here i can say this) and then i started to think, why i am here today? Why i come that far? Being able to moved to other country, to travel, to study, to live, to love...why? Because when i needed support i got it. Especially being to honest to say i was problematic kid most of time. My parents they didnt give up. Never! And this is why I am here. So the answer to my question was clear. I wont give up. I will be there, with and for them. Without ever trying to changed them. And today after few months i realized, to taking the bit harder way is worth it. It is not about changing people, it is not about forcing things, its more about trying to understand, being open and show your own mistakes and fears, well to share in general. Today they made me happy, just by simple question. Showing me they want to spend time with me. Of course in life i will fall many more times, but this are small moments, that show me, im on the right way. I am living my dreams. Step by step. Finding out what i really want to do in my life. Falling and flying.

Last weeks i was bit depressed lets say. Just because my life came to point, where things are getting harder. Where life decisions are about to take. Well is not easy, especially when I need to decided about my future, not just about which country I am planing to visit next. When I think about my family, about my friends and all road ive done till now. But being able to make decision, to have an options already should make me happy, but obviously i need few weeks to realized that. There is many people around the world without that chance. Soo :)
Spending days feeling sorry to myself, because i have to decide something? Well no, not anymore. I dont want to forget how to smile!
Which ever road i take, is not going to be easy. Thats the only thing im sure about. And being close or being far away is something i have learned is not so important any more.
"Distance means so little, when someone means soo much" if im not happy by myself i can not make happy others. Thats is. And sometimes means being far away, follow your own dreams. I have learned that i am the only person i can really rely on. Going trough ups and downs...being disapointed by others so many times, just by trusting them is my own mistake.
So i am ready for new adventure. I made my decision. Today. No looking back, only looking forward.
Thank you Noora, for support and for believing in me. Now i start to believe in myself again!

I find a place where i want to live, at least for some years from now on. To learn and to grow. To prove to myself I can! To show to myself im worth it. To fight and to win. But especially to be.

Im finally calm.

Looking back or looking forward?

Thats the only thing on my mind lately :)

Today we start with this skiing holiday week, what means our youth center is open every day for kids and youngsters to enjoy their holidays doing different activities. Siting in the office looking directly into hall where two girls are running around and playing made me think about my childhood about the how we were spending holidays and bringing back memories about all this people we were going together trough that times...where they are? which road did they take? Remembering all our little moments when we disscuss about future, our wishes. Road of life normally takes us to the different places, to take different lesson... i was just wondering if there is a chance to meet all this people again, to make some event like childhood memories night, where we all would meet and remember our moments when we were just kids running and playing around...myb just a wish or realistic idea? I dont know, but i can try :)
This going back over and over again is starting to annoy me a bit. I know im always doing that in particular time, when i should be looking just forward. But is kinda my little escape like avoiding decisions i need to make. Yes, quilty as charged. But somehow this going back, pretending to be child again makes life easier at some point. Im always saying that little escapes are good. But when everything comes to a point when present becomes past is not good anymore. And i now is time  to focus on present, building the future.

Tell me something new :D "Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of the nowhere, but sometimes in the middle of the nowhere you find yourself"  story of my life i could say. My mother was always saying dont say things out to loud at the end you always do whatever you said u would never do :) soo back in 2013 i was travelling to Finland, just for a week to do European youth capital project in Helsinki. Short trip was nice, but really nothing special, my comment to was...whatever i think i will never go to Finland again. Not thinking too much about this country after i was doing my regular things back home, studies, work and travelling.

At some point i decided i wanna do this one year voluntary project somewhere in Europe. I was thinking about Austria or Germany, like still close to home so i can visit every month and i can learn german, one thing to do on my bucket list. Then i went to Japan, discovered totally new culture, that made me feel different and happy. Back to Slovenia some interesting project in Finland pop out. Hmm first thought was like no way, even though the project sound really good i wasnt really sure, and Finland is soo far away and there is no sun etc.. at the end im here. Living my dreams. I learned is not about the weather, is the thing i cant change. Is about me, my views and attitude towards life. I found sun inside of me, inside every smile i get from the kids and youngsters im working with. Even i found sun in dark places. In finnish nature, sometimes even in finnish food :) travelling and moving to other country has nothing in common. Now i can say. I kinda judge country based on one week experience, but i gave it second chance...and from now on yes everything and everybody deserve second chance...(ok not in every single case)...and i need to say second chance was f* worth. I have learned a lot, (not the language yet!), but i will, cause i want to. And i want to look forward with occasionally moments looking back, being happy to follow my dreams, and build my life, on different roads, that leads to different places and people :)
but the one thing i always will, i promise to myself! i will always carry one thing with me : SMILE :)

And yes dear readers from all over the world, i will make this event called "childhood memories night" and im sure it will turn into endless night :)

love, muri

Day dreaming :)

In my last blog about this crazy road trip to Lapland i promised in the next blog i will write about day dreaming :)
Last week i was thinking and reading a lot about dreaming, ok i was always interested in dreams, deja vu and their meanings....but this time i was focusing more about day dreaming which in my point of view means short daily escape from reality. I dont know how to express me better but i suppose you know what i mean. I was reading a lot about what people think and how they feel about this escape from reality :)
In my point of view dy dreaming is something that can in "normal amount" help us to survive. Yes i am a dreamer. But lately i havent been day dreaming much, soo i noticed im missing my little moments when i can imagine the world in different colours :)
Ok so day dreaming is one thing when we can be wherever we want to be. Is something we should learn from. I think is process in which we can really grow. Today morning i decide i will go to gym without my tablet so while doing cardio i can "dream". And the time just went by soo fast. I was dreaming. And the dreams were nice, and i will make my day dreams into reality. Of course a lot of dreams we can not really turn into reality but still, if we dont believe we can not turn anything into reality. Soo my blog is trying to encourage you to dream. Day dreaming is not a bad thing. If we are able to learn from it. I dont like the idea when the kids that are called dreamers are normally pushed into edge of society, saying this kids are weird so introvert and  similar things. I used to work with different kids and i need to say that this kids even they can not always show they are full of life. They are afraid to tell and show what they are dreaming just because they feel they wont get any support and understanding. This message is for all of us. To open our minds and to start believe and to dream. There is so many ppl outside somewhere all around the world who dream and they are not shame to share.
I will share piece of my day dreams from summer for the end. My day dreams that i will turn them into reality soon :P
When i got the msg i was choosen (ok, off topic i was just playing table tennis with 7 year old girl, omg she plays soo good, but yes she was afraid to try to play before, but i guess now i have table tennis partner for some time :D ) ok so back to my summer day dreaming....yes i got the msg i will work in Finland next year i got the crazy idea i should go there with car. Its just 2500km one way, not that bad since i used to drive a lot and i love to drive. But then all this you are crazy u wont make its too far its to dangerous advices start to circle my minds...and yes i was crazy i started to think ok i wont make, forget about the idea and just bought plane tickets...One week ago (im living in Finland for 5 months now) i started to dream again. It was just that moment when i realized i was thinking to much and doing to little. The moment i realized i was believing into others and encouraging other, that at some point i forgot about myself. Last months i wasnt dreaming that much, maybe because reality was too good  at some moments? Maybe. But still there is this little girl inside of me, who reminds me : "hey petra its time to dream again" and i replied, yes and its also time to do something about it :) hmm as i probably mentioned in my previous blogs i dream big. Kinda...but still sometimes i dont believe enough...learning is a life time process, and im trying not to look for excuses even though sometimes is nice to have one, but still at the end of the day we are alone in our thoughts and thats the time for reflection. My writting is again soo confused but let say the book is on the way and my minds cant stop thinking about my fantasy trip.
The plan is simple! Im going home next week. For two weeks. But i just decided i will stay one week, canceled the fligh back and take my car to travel back to Finland. At this moment i dont care about snow and icy road. I care about what the little kid inside of me is saying. Make memories. Smile and enjoy the road. The road trough Austria, Czech republic, Poland, Lithuania, Litva, Estonia and Finland. and after up north...or down south, or just east to Mongolia or west to the San Francisco...i dont know. Life is full of surprises...being on the road always was my style of life, now when i find the place where i want to live, the place where i feel safe even though here is not much sun i think i made second home. But being on the road, sharing experience and working with all kind of kids will always be big part of me. This is one thing i know for sure. I will grow, i will fly, i will fall still many times but i will continue on my road. For the ones who need this crazy girl on their way to show them they can, this crazy girl that believe even if its not easy.
And my parents doesnt know im coming home (surprise,surprise) soo i will be more than happy if this can stay secret another week :D kiitos

"Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world."

muri 

25ur, 1300km, trije Slovenci, -33°C in ena želja :)

Tokrat bi rada pisala o dogodivščini, katere edina pomanjkljivost je bila ta, da je bila prekratka. Po drugi strani pa mislim, da je ravno to bil njen največji čar :)

O obisku Laponske nisem nikoli zares razmišljala. (Laponska je ime za kulturno regijo, ki jo poseljujejo Laponci. Leži v Severni Evropi znotraj arktičnega kroga in vključuje severne dele Skandinavije ter polotok Kola v Rusiji) ne vem, tudi že potem ko sem se preselila na Finsko sem še vedno imela občutek kako daleč in kako ne zanimiva je. Da bi se v tem trenutku res najrajši dvakrat zabila v steno. In ja ponovno morem priznat, da pač rabim šolo. Ker tokrat pa osebno mislim, da če ne bi obiskala tega dela sveta bi nekaj zamudila...kako lahko zamudimo, nekaj česar ne poznamo? Lahko sanjarimo :) ja lahko. O sanjarjenju čez dan in beganju našim misli v druge svetove, bom govorila v prihodnjem blogu. 
Torej, zakaj smo se podali na sever? Pravijo, da se na Finskem splača igrat EuroJack pot. Tudi mi smo ga na nek način. V Kuopio, kjer živim že skoraj pol leta, sta me obiskala prijatelja Sara in Miha. Kuopio je osmo največje mesto na Finskem in spada pod severno Savonijo, ki je na srednjem vzhodnem delu Finskem. (in the middle of the nowhere iskreno povedano).
Ko me tako daleč vstran od doma obiščejo prijatelji, je nekaj kar tako na hitro ne morem opisati ( Kristijanbo tudi vedel o čem govorim) je neprecenljivo. Včasih se razdalje zgodijo z razlogom in okrepijo vezi, včasih ne. To je življenje. Torej navdušena nad obiskom takoj po vseh dobrotah polnih praznikih, sem študirala kaj bi počeli. 
Sara in Miha sta prišla z eno željo - videti severni sij :) uff sem mislila to je loterija. Res loterija. In logično za nekoga če že potuje tak daleč da si to želi doživeti. Bilo me je strah priznam. Ker je to pač del na katerega ne morem vplivat. Na koncu se je za mnogo naš "nevaren" road trip sprevrgel v eno izmed doživetij življenja. V kratko zgodbo z ogromno detajli, in lahko skoraj trdim da smo dobili severni aurora borelias jackpot :) mislim, da je vsem v tistem trenutku pomenil več kot vse ostalo.
Kako smo se road tripa lotili? Brez kakršnih koli planov in načrtov. Jap. Brez pretiranega razmišljanja. Enostavno smo rezervirali avto in se odločili da štartamo v ponedeljek zjutraj in se peljemo proti severu lovit severni sij.
Vsi Finci so mi rekli da smo nori. Da so razmere na cestah grozne in .....tntntnt okej, ceste so bile ledene dobesedno, naša povprečna hitrost pa ni šla preko 63km/h. Malo smo se zafrkavali da bi bla v Sloveniji na taki razdaljo vsaj120km/h plus tega bi prišla vsaj 5x od Maribora pa do Kopra in nazaj.

Po osem urni vožnji (volan smo si delili, poslušanju nove plate od Mi2 - hvala Matej) in Sarinem odkritju the best finske radijske postaje. Smo prispeli v božičkovo deželo. Zunaj -30°C. Zebe me. Miha brez rokavic. Mene lulat. Lačni smo. Pa pozni tudi. Odpravimo se do info točke, ki nam jo pred nosom zaprejo, mrtvo hladno. Sara hvala bogi najde res prijazno finsko teto, ki nam poda vse potrebne informacije. Vučko si kupi rokavice. Svet je vsaj za nekaj trenutkov lep. Dokler ne začnemo ugotavljat, da je zunaj megleno. Kar našo željo po severnem siju oddaljuje in se v nekem trenutku zazdi jackpot bolj realen. Odpravimo se v center Rovaniemija, kjer Miha končno poskusi meso severnega jela. Navdušeni nad mesto, ugotavljamo kaj bomo. Gremo kr nazaj v Kuopio? Čaka nas še 8 ur vožnje po trdi temi. Sara se ne da in vztraja. Gremo se vozit samo proti severu kak daleč gre. Ideja se mi sicer v prvem trenutku zdi tvegana. Popijemo kavo, vučko mislim da je spil 3 (ker so mu bile tak dobre) okej to da je Sari pa Miheju finska kava dobra kdaj drugič - pač mam weirdo prijatelje. Vsedemo se v avto in peljem proti severu. Debatiramo. Se smejemo - vse tiste naše male momente težko opišem, ostali bodo v naših spominih. Vozim. Na kar na svoji desni na nebu zagledam - severni sij. To je to. Narava in stvari, ki se jih ne da kupiti. Mislim da smo delili čarobne trenutke, vsak si je zagotovo po tihem nekaj zaželel. Mislim, da se je Miheju želja izpolnila, saj smo čez pou ure srečali severne jelene, ki so se sprehajali po cesti - zelo simpatična bitja :)
Mislim da nismo potrebovali več. Sara pravi nekaj iz bucket lista je odkljukano. No to da smo "scali" za avtom pri - 33°C , ker sem se bala da bo urin medtem ko teče zmrznil? (se opravičujem za ogabnost, ljudje pač imamo potrebe) no razlog skor 200km nobene pumpe, dobesedno nikjer nič. Vožnja domov je bila, ma saj se niti ne spomnim. Sara je vozla, z vučom sma spala. Potem sem še malo jaz vozla...ni važno. Važno je to kaj je pokazala Sara. Če si nekaj zares želiš pol vztrajaš. Mislim, da smo zaradi njene trme vztrajali proti severu in doživeli once in a life time experience :)

O tem, da smo ob prihodu domu v Kuopio, mrtvo utrujeni, ujeli sonce (tak lepi dan še tukaj ni bil od septembra) in hodili po vodi? Ja očitno nam je nekaj ali nekdo bil naklonjen. Spanec po dogodivščini pa top! Sara in Vučko - hvala :)
Dragi moji bralci naslednjič se vrnem s sanjarjenjem in ne pozabite VZTRAJAT, če ne probaš ali ne vprašaš bo rezultat vedno ne!
In jaz verjamem in vztrajam na svoji poti, kjer odkrito čarobnost z veseljem delim z drugimi!
Muri jr.

Goodbye 2014 and welcome 2015! :)

my moto is simple : "learning from each other and growing in love" this quote is also on sticky note on my work computer - just to remind me :) 
Hellow,

like every end of the year, or like very often i write. I just love to write...to sit down and write. About everything. About life, history, politics, problems, love, friends...i love my ability to just sit down and write or talk for hours. To share my thoughs, to learn, to speak and to listen.

This year i decided to share few words about 2014 in english. Regarding that my last months life was 80% english anyway :) i think is fair, especially for those who dont speak slovenian, amazing people i have meet in last few months in my new home-Finland. :) (i hope myb next year i can write some blogs in Finnish? ok, lets say i really dream big :D)

What to say about 2014...each december i normally take few hours for myself...go for a walk or sth and just try to collect all of my feelings and thoughts about last year. 2014 was amazing. I can easily say soo far was the best year in my life! (soo far because i know best is yet to come :P) even though it was not always easy, im that kind of person i need sharply way sometimes, to learn from it. I love to climb :) For my 2015 i wish just one thing, to countinue on my road, with bigger dreams, with more learning and sharing.

Overview of 2014 i will make it short:
- work
- studies
- travel to Japan
- few short road trips
- Chio shit with Nina
- moving to Finland
-learning
-documentaries
- few good books
- Eric Clapton live concert
- on the road over and over again
- special family&friend moments
- Kristijan visiting in Finland
- travel to Russia
- amazing christmas spent with special people

and what are the best memories ? the ones, i can not even write it down. Those little moments shared with amazing people, when  i feel sparkles in my eyes and love in my soul :) the moments when i learned something new, the moments when i hug someone special, the moments when i see my work is worth the effort, the moments when i read a good book, ....

And yes even if i sound silly, i would like to say thank you - for all of you who made my 2014 special and amazing :) I think i dont need to enumerate this people, because they should know they are making me happy.
And especially for those who believe in me soo much that i started to believe in myself to.
And dont forget im here for you! Always, even if sometimes i cant help or i cant find appropriate words...i can listen, i want to hug, just to let you know im here :)

My 2015 wish list is short :) as i already wrote down...to fight, to share, to climb, to learn, to love, to work on my projects, to write!
And to learn Finnish, to finish my master, to travel, to eat less chocolate and eat more vegetables, and to experience few amazing moments with ppl i love :)  the moments in which i could stay lost forever. And of course, to share fist new years kiss with  ....


Love,
Muri

Vrednost majhnosti Rusija - skok v Leningrad oz. Санкт-Петербург

Čeprav ja minilo že nekaj dni od kratkega potepa po Rusiji, sem se uspela malo ustavit, da na kratko opišem moj pogled na Ruski svet :)

Ko sem se vrnila iz Rusije nazaj v Helsinke, sem se prvič na Finskem zares počutila doma. Celo finščina vse naokoli je prvič zvenela domače. Ker tukaj živim šele tri dobre mesece, me je ta občutek presenetil. Preklopila sem telefon na zdaj že domače DNA mobitel omrežje in javila bližnjim, doma sem :) bil je lep občutek. Dejstvo je, da bo moj dom, vedno doma v Mariboru, ampak če si za čas življenja ustvarim še kakšnega novega v tujini, tudi nebo nič narobe :)
torej vrnimo se v Rusijo...priznam da so tudi mene prevzeli predsodki (zato mi pravijo da sm že napol Finka) o čudni in anti Rusih. Finci jih dobesedno sovražijo in dostikrat to omenijo (nalezljivo)! Zakaj se v bistvu glede na potek zgodovine niti ne čudim. Torej ker so me pred odhodom vsi opozarjali pred Rusi, sem tja tudi šla zelo zadržana in morem priznat, da so me Rusi razočarali. Lani sva z Nino obiskovale tečaj ruščine, kjer sem se navdušila nad Rusijo in si država dodala na seznam potovanj v prihodnosti. Željo sem si izpolnila zelo hitro in zagotovo se v Rusijo še vrnem in obljubim si, da več ne jemljem mnenja drugih ljudi za svojega :) kar mi je na prejšnjih potovanjih uspevalo. Rusi so pač bili žrtev :D torej zakaj vrednost majhnosti?
Ker sem se sredi bivšega Leningrada oz po novem Saint Peterburga v enem trenutku zavedla, kako majhni smo...(podobna misel me je prešinla pred meseci ob opazovanju severnega sija). Stala sem sredi mogočnega mesta (ki me je prevzelo tako zelo, da z besedami neznam opisat) in ravno zaradi te majhnosti proti mogčnosti okoli mene, se lahko zavedam življenja. Sploh na potovanjih. Ko se čs vrti drugače kot ponavadi. Ko dan ne izgleda: budilka, trening, služba :) ampak je dan drugačen. Na potovanjih pišem neke druge zgodbe. Spoznavam ljudi, za katere vem, da jih ne bom več videla. Ne zanimajo me njihova imena, so zgodbe, ki zavedno ostanejo izgubljene s prevodom...ampak v lepih spominih na obiskane kraje. V tej zgodbi bo ostal gospod, ki je boječe prisedel k mizi v restavracije, ker so bile vse mize polne in ga je gospodična pri sosednji grdo odslovila.
Ostal bo spomin na mraz, ki pride do kosti ampak ni tako močen, da bi pobegnil na toplo. Mesto ima toliko za povedati, da ti enostavno nepusti da bi pobegnil.
Široke ulice z mogočnimi stavbami, ki ti dovolijo sanjati. Mesto mi je vsaj za par trenutkov dovolilo pobegniti v njegovo zgodovino in jo občutiti. Ljudje, ki so za moje pojme žrtve sistema in sonce, ki ga ni bilo. Največji vtis je na mene naredila knjigarna sredi Nevskega prospekta, mislim da sem se med knjigami ponovno zaljubila v ruske klasike, in seveda kupila Dostojevskega.
K katedrali kristusovega vstajenja sem se vrnila trikrat. Nekaj me je vleklo tja. Ne znam razložit.
Sankt Peterburg je zagotovo eno izmed najbolj čarobnih mest, ki sem jih obiskala.
Obljubim si, da se vrnem. Z mislijo o novih poteh in daljnih deželah sem z nasmeškom zapustila Rusijo, deželo, ki je zagotovo več kot Leningrad, in deželo v katerim ljudem bi rada dala novo možnost, oziroma bolj sebi, da popravim vtis o njih na sebe. Ali pa le dober izgovor, da se tja vrnem?

 Spasiba ppl,
muri jr.