I just cam home from my workshops with "problematic" youngster i occasionally work with. We end up talking about homeless people. Even thou the purpose of workshop was different. When i was leaving the school, they asked : "when are u coming again?" first few times when i started to work with them, were hard. I was kinda giving up, they didnt listen anything, they just didnt care about anything. They didnt even want to meet me, to know my name and basic shit. It was like, well being here is pointless. And i was thinking what can i do? The easy way would be to say to my boss i wont work with them anymore. (its nature of my work here i can say this) and then i started to think, why i am here today? Why i come that far? Being able to moved to other country, to travel, to study, to live, to love...why? Because when i needed support i got it. Especially being to honest to say i was problematic kid most of time. My parents they didnt give up. Never! And this is why I am here. So the answer to my question was clear. I wont give up. I will be there, with and for them. Without ever trying to changed them. And today after few months i realized, to taking the bit harder way is worth it. It is not about changing people, it is not about forcing things, its more about trying to understand, being open and show your own mistakes and fears, well to share in general. Today they made me happy, just by simple question. Showing me they want to spend time with me. Of course in life i will fall many more times, but this are small moments, that show me, im on the right way. I am living my dreams. Step by step. Finding out what i really want to do in my life. Falling and flying.
Last weeks i was bit depressed lets say. Just because my life came to point, where things are getting harder. Where life decisions are about to take. Well is not easy, especially when I need to decided about my future, not just about which country I am planing to visit next. When I think about my family, about my friends and all road ive done till now. But being able to make decision, to have an options already should make me happy, but obviously i need few weeks to realized that. There is many people around the world without that chance. Soo :)
Spending days feeling sorry to myself, because i have to decide something? Well no, not anymore. I dont want to forget how to smile!
Which ever road i take, is not going to be easy. Thats the only thing im sure about. And being close or being far away is something i have learned is not so important any more.
"Distance means so little, when someone means soo much" if im not happy by myself i can not make happy others. Thats is. And sometimes means being far away, follow your own dreams. I have learned that i am the only person i can really rely on. Going trough ups and downs...being disapointed by others so many times, just by trusting them is my own mistake.
So i am ready for new adventure. I made my decision. Today. No looking back, only looking forward.
Thank you Noora, for support and for believing in me. Now i start to believe in myself again!
I find a place where i want to live, at least for some years from now on. To learn and to grow. To prove to myself I can! To show to myself im worth it. To fight and to win. But especially to be.
Im finally calm.
Last weeks i was bit depressed lets say. Just because my life came to point, where things are getting harder. Where life decisions are about to take. Well is not easy, especially when I need to decided about my future, not just about which country I am planing to visit next. When I think about my family, about my friends and all road ive done till now. But being able to make decision, to have an options already should make me happy, but obviously i need few weeks to realized that. There is many people around the world without that chance. Soo :)
Spending days feeling sorry to myself, because i have to decide something? Well no, not anymore. I dont want to forget how to smile!
Which ever road i take, is not going to be easy. Thats the only thing im sure about. And being close or being far away is something i have learned is not so important any more.
"Distance means so little, when someone means soo much" if im not happy by myself i can not make happy others. Thats is. And sometimes means being far away, follow your own dreams. I have learned that i am the only person i can really rely on. Going trough ups and downs...being disapointed by others so many times, just by trusting them is my own mistake.
So i am ready for new adventure. I made my decision. Today. No looking back, only looking forward.
Thank you Noora, for support and for believing in me. Now i start to believe in myself again!
I find a place where i want to live, at least for some years from now on. To learn and to grow. To prove to myself I can! To show to myself im worth it. To fight and to win. But especially to be.
Im finally calm.
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